What’s your policy on party plus-ones?
Terry de Gunzburg, beauty mogul: The more the merrier when surrounded by family and friends… But turning up with an uninvited plus-one is impolite.
Ravinder Bhogal, founder of Jikoni: I once had a plus-one turn up 45 minutes early and it all went very pear-shaped… he lunged in for a kiss and I fought himoff with my spatula!
Beverly Nguyen, stylist and homewares dealer: We all need a security blanket from time to time.
Jackson Boxer, chef and restaurateur: The greatest gift anyone couldbring to a party is someone clever and interesting I’m yet to meet.
Florence Knight, chef, Sessions Arts Club: I’m brutal; I’d rather have anintimate group of people I know.
What are your failsafe pre-dinner snacks?
Mimi Thorisson, food writer: Something that plays with thepalate without filling the stomach: radishes with fleur de sel and butter on the side, pickles and peppered saucissons secs, garlic olives. Anything deep-fried is an instant appetite killer.
JB: I love crisps – my favourites are ones I make,fried in olive oil andmassively oversalted. I douse them in cider vinegar. I hate fiddly canapés.
FK: Smoked salmon can bethe best and the worst pre-dinner snack, depending on its quality. Ialways use the SecretSmoke House.
BN: I love a burger before or after an outing!
Do you give your guests a dress code?
BN: Doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s sexy andconfident. But a conversation-starter pieceisalways a plus.
TDG: I always ensure all invitations (whether it’sprinted invitations, an email invitation or asimple text message) contain the required dresscode, even if it’s informal.
JB: What even is formal dress these days? Ialways think people look most elegant in the clothes that allow them to remain most at ease with themselves.
Lisa Jones Hyatt and Ruby Kean, founders, Atelier LK: When everyone has made an effort and feels a sense of occasion it can often lead to some of the most memorable times.
Joseph Denison Carey, chef and supper-club host: I let out a small sigh of despair whenever I’m invited to anevening with a dress code. As a 25-year-old man whose wardrobe is filled with jeansand hoodies, it’s fair to say that I dress mostly for comfort. I say wear what you want, no dress code.
Home-cooked, catered or order in?
Laura Jackson, founder of Glassette: I always like to cook and add in a few cheats, from shop-bought meringue to pastry. It’s not worth being aslave to the kitchen for days on end.
BN: Guests always love to hang out in the kitchen andpretend to help, so: home-cooked.
Felix Conran, artist and cook: Home-cooked, preferably home-grown orfound foods. My girlfriend is an amazing forager and mymother keeps an incredible vegetable garden. I will almost always be cooking over a fire – outside standing atour Argentinian-style grill, or hunched up inside on ajerry-rigged grill in the fireplace.
LJH + RK: As a guest, I think there’s a warmer feeling withthe energy in the kitchen, the smell of what’s cookingandthechatting while prepping.
What’s a great party theme?
Themes are like fancy dress – they diminish your friends by suggesting they lack the verve to be glamorous without guidance. Jackson Boxer
JDC: I’ve built my entire life and career around the fact thatI’m a massive feeder. There are few things that satisfy me more than a group of friends enjoying a meal that I’ve worked hard at. Also, my friends and family would never let me get away with making somebody elsedo all of the hard work.
FK: As a chef, I am of course not opposed to cooking a home meal. But if I’m with close friends, I’ll order in so Ican relax and enjoy their company.
How do you navigate food intolerances?
RB: My philosophy of 20 courses means there’s bound tobesomething for everyone. Part of the generosity ofinvitingsomeone around for a meal is taking the timetocare what they eat.
Anya Hindmarch, fashion and accessories designer: No party is fun if you are hungry. Butifyou are too annoying (with no reason) then youmight not get invited again…
JB: As a professional cook I’m neurotically respectful ofother people’s allergies, but treat adults who simplyhaveanaversion to certain ingredients with somethingapproaching pity.
BN: People with food intolerances can eat before or after –they always seem to find a way to eat something…
Do you have a preferred seating plan?
AH: I love a weird seating plan. Sometimes I do the oldest toyoungest. Or a table of women and a table of men. Or alphabetical. But always around a very narrow table so plates almost touch, with people at either end. That way you can have conversations of six. I also love a “one-conversation” dinner. It often leads to some interesting discussions.
LJ: I like to match personalities rather than boy/girl gender,which feels quite outdated.
What’s your go-to party playlist?
LJ: I love a good film soundtrack – great when you don’thave time to make a playlist. FromDrive to Call MeByYourName or Dirty Dancing…
Party playlist
Naturally by JJ Cale
Drive, the Motion Picture soundtrack
No thank you by Little Simz
FK: If I’m ever in doubt, I always turn to John Martyn, BillEvans, Mark Hollis and JJ Cale – especially hisalbumNaturally.
JDC: Soul, funk, hip-hop, jazz andneo-soul. I want themusic tocreate a relaxed atmosphere. Ialso want it to echothe intimacy of the evening. Anything by D’Angelo, Cleo Sol, Sault, Robert Glasper, Little Simz, Bilal, ErykahBadu, Lianne La Havas, Olivia Dean. I’ll stop there,thoughI could go on…
LJH + RK: Music has such atransportive power; the most important thing is to read the room.
Do you drink the bottle your guests bring, or save for later?
TDG: My husband and I adore wine, particularly wine sourced in local vineyards inthe Provence region in France, where we live. We want our guests to enjoy the wine as we intended it to be consumed, meticulously pairing it with our menu. We like to keepgiftedwine for later.
LJ: Drink on the night for sure! I’ve had a dinner before where I’ve asked everyone tobring a bottle with a story attached to it… itmade for great conversations.
Should guests bring a gift?
TDG: Never turn up to a party empty-handed! Especially if it’s a party at someone’s house.
AH: No gifts needed. If you must, the best gifts are something from a garden or homemade. But a bag of Minstrels is always welcome. Oratin of caviar.
JB: Perfectly ripe fruit for your host to enjoy for breakfastthe next morning.
FK: You can never go wrong with chocolate. My favourite has to be Original Beans’ Femmes de Virunga. The brandishigh-quality, carbon-negative and works closely withfemale farmers in the Congo. I also love BRIK Chocolate – it’s handmade in the UK.
How do you decorate the table?
FC: Fruits, vegetables or flowers that are inseason. Itendtodo something a bit fun andunexpected. Forinstance, Ionce carved a sofa out of butter.
FK: Simple seasonal flowers – and candles. Mostimportantly, nothing too high in height sothatitblocks faces.
Arthur Parkinson, gardener and writer: I find doing the flowers for adinner party annoying because you have tocut thelovely long stems so short and thenpeople still make a fuss if you put too manyvases out. Once thealcohol hits, the vasesget put to the side in placeof ashtrays. The best idea I’ve heard for table decorations are buff Cochin hens, but you’d need a decent-sized room to accommodate henswithin a coopon a table.
LJH + RK: Functional elements are as much part of the decoration as the flowers. Welovecolourful glass plates by Leo Kasper andcharacterful end-of-dinner coffee cups byChristabel MacGreevy.
Individual servings or sharing platters?
RB: I have Persian friends who say the same thing as me: the idea for a starter, main and dessert is a very European way of dining. Forus, culturally, it’s always about lots of platters, generosity and wanting to give everything that you have…
FK: I always think it’s nice to share starters, sothere’s a real sense of abundance and colour. Then I’ll go into plated individual servings for the main and the pudding.
LJH + RK: Individual servings for dinner, sharing platters for lunch.
JDC: If I’m feeding more thanfour people, plating individual portions starts to become abit ofaball-ache. I also like watching people share things; passing plates and spoons around atable reminds me of being at mygrandparents’ house.
What’s the ideal number of courses?
Fc: Personally I like one long one, with reallygood breadand butter.
AH: Two. Otherwise too full and too late.
JB: Fewer courses, more waves.
FK: Keep it speedy and simple with three: astarter,mainand pudding.
Cheese before pudding or puddingbeforecheese?
Fc: Simultaneously!
JB: Cheese at the beginning of themeal, actually, for me.
LJ: Pudding then cheese, always.
FK: Sometimes I find people are full uponthe cheese by the time itgets topudding. I like to put the cheese out alongside petit* fours attheend ofthe meal so you can gobetween them as you like.
Top tip?
AP: You can never have enoughicecubes.
LJ: Never finish the evening withshotsofalcohol.
RB: Turn up to a dinner party 15minutes after you’ve been asked. There’s always that last-minute thingthe host is doing.
Clean-up-as-you-go or wait untilguestshave left?
MT: The duty of a good host is that theymust face the mess alone.
On leftovers
It’s a lovely thing if someone’s enjoyed a meal and you’ve got something left to give them. One guest came prepared – she brought her own Tupperware with herand presented itat the table. Ravinder Bhogal
LJH + RK: Never clean up as you go, itshifts the energy and makes your guestfeel obligedto help.
JDC: Find a small area out of the waywhere you can pile dirty dishes and leave them until the evening is comingto a close.
FK: I find it impossible not to clean upas I go. That’s why I try to keep themenu simple, to avoid spending all thetime at the sink.
Ultimate party faux-pas?
LJ: Turning up drunk or full fromlunch!
FK: Smoking before your main arrives. It makes it go cold and ruins the taste.
AP: I absolutely hate not being abletohear welldue to music.
AH: Late. Midweek. Bad placement. Wide table. Bright room. Loud music. Too many courses. Tall flowers. Lowchairs. Boring guests.
And what if you want to leave early?
AP: I can’t stand being at most social things and try to leaveas early as I can. A wise person told me once that thething to say on arrival is, “I’ve got to leave [at whatever time]” and before they can reply the magic words are, “AndI know you’ll understand.”
Are handwritten thank-you notes necessary?
BN: Manners never go out of style.
TDG: Manners don’t cost a thing. A thank-you messageisnecessary, whether it be an email,a phone call,or a textmessage.
JB: If they were in any way necessary, they wouldn’t benearly so touching to receive.
How do you ask guests to leave?
AH: Sometimes, I just say, “Right, time for bed.” A good evening doesn’t have to be a lateevening. In fact, a very good evening ishome for the 10 o’clock news for me.
JDC: When it’s late and you’re starting to flag,slowly start cleaning up. If you haven’t already been doing it all evening your guests will notice the change in tone and will more often than not suggest wrapping up.
LJH + RK: Our rule of thumb is to let the nightplay out; guests will leave when they’re ready.
LJ: Dimming the music and brightening thelights… Ifthatfails, head to bed and let them carry on!
Letter in response to this article:
British dining conventions require a feat of acrobatics / From Arlette Laurent, New York, NY, US
